belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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