I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
