I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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