I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
