i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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