are you still at the devil's house?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
