I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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