I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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