so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I am naked and annoyed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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