apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
