Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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