ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
