hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
