If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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