Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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