I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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