hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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