You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
