then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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