actually, I'm a sock model
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Is it because I queefed?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
