A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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