he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
