So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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