community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
