I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
