Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
