For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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