you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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