I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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