While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
false alarm, still single
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
