I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
