We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
