I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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