I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
