I bet he comes in French.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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