JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
