I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
