summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
