Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
