You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
