did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
