Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
