Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
