DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
