I am midnight drunk by noon
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
