I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He felt like a one man threesome
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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