Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
