So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
