Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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