I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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