Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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